Principle Dilemma

I do believe it really takes a lot to change me. Well, duh, it took years to 'form' me! I am what I am and there are just some things that I just won't and can't change. Like my habits, my preference and my stand on certain things. Change in my job, or change in my marital status, or my age will not change this.

Have you ever been caught in a situation when some people want you to conform to what they think is the perfect or rightful daughter, son, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, employee, employer, mother, father etc. Have you ever had to speak or behave differently because others do not approve?

But it's true, over time, we need to 'change'. We cannot be self-centered and only do what we want. We'll have to compromise. But never compromise your principles. So hard to decide whether your principles are right or wrong though.

Like for instance, going home for the CNY eve. Say you're married, and traditionally, the wife should spend CNY eve at the husband's side. Over the years, people have compromised and now the husbands are ok to go back during alternate years. Is this wrong? My dad has no sons....and if all of us are not allowed to come back during CNY eve, who's gonna spend CNY eve with my parents? Although they are fine with it....reason being that we could always come back on the 1st day or 2nd day, but i guess it's not fine with me. I cannot imagine them being alone during CNY eve, and I guess I would not be enjoying CNY eve either.

My working environment is as such that everything is client-orientated. We need to do our best to make the client look good. My livelihood and sustainability relies on how they rate us. They are crude and chinaman-like and do not hesitate to tell you what they feel about the Indian subordinates and colleagues. Few times I had to bite my tongue, but my conscience tells me I should say something. And I did, but indirectly. It eats on me as I know they deserve better credit. At least they were more tactful and articulate when dealing with a problem, and not jump into unjust complaints laced with racism. When I share this, everyone says "learn to ignore". And I guess that helps.

Over the years, yes, I've had to deal with my own principles, modifying it and adjusting it when necessary. It's so hard to hold on to your cards sometimes. Sometimes we just need to let it go.

Merry Merry Xmas Everyone

Got our tree up. Ho Ho Ho...have a merry one :)

On a New Ship

"You've been reassigned." Of course, that was never how it was said. So much was said but I guess that's what it means. I've been offered a new opportunity to do a different program within the consulting group which I gladly accept. Bored and getting complacent, me and I guess my boss knew I need a change. A challenge. Another beginning.

I was only given a week to say my goodbyes and do my handover. Great. I like a fast departure. It would make leaving my new found friends easier and the transition to a new place fret-free.

I guess what makes it hard to leave would be the great team I am in. I would miss the early morning emails from my Australian actress-turned-consultant colleague, the continuous queries from my jap counterpart and constant gossiping with my singaporean and KL (now in penang) counterpart, and the lame ejek from the korean fella. Would I ever find a better team than this.

Aihhh, it's not like me to get nostalgic, but being alone in a floor-ful of non-colleagues make us appreciate one another. However, I'm excited and cannot wait to get on the new ship and sail! and DIVERSIFY!

Grudge

I've just got news of an estranged family friend who collapsed over the week with a mild stroke. He and his girlfriend used to spend all festivities and even Chinese New Year with us in Ipoh. That was until a misunderstanding about 2 years ago. Things were never the same and we kept our distance.

He had a mild stroke and was in the ICU. As soon as I heard, I called up mom and asked if she'd want see her godson. So we trotted off to Pantai hospital on Sunday afternoon. I could tell Mom was nervous but I kept her mind busy with endless chatter. As soon as we got to his ward, it was most emotional as my mom saw his girlfriend (also mom's goddaughter) and they started hugging each other trying to hold their tears back. Even I could not control my tears as the sight of him was unbearable. He was not his usual mighty and confident self, confined to the hospital bed. He was slurring and trying his best to explain himself. He threw in a laugh here and there, and tried his level best to stay alert.

We shared a light moment with his parents just chatting and sharing stories and jokes. We've never met them before, and they've never met their son's 'other family' that he spends CNY with.

I guess one could and should not hold a grudge to one's deathbed. Afterall, any religion would tell you to forgive and forget. I believe he did what he did out of desperation and if we were indeed 'family', then let's take it that it was a dreadful mistake and that he's paid his dues with sufferings. I think that's enough punishment. What you think?

Melbourne..and the rest of Victoria

It was a good holiday, with scrumptious food, cool weather and plentiful fun and sunny days. And it was a great family trip including Andrew's initiation into the Toh family. All was missing was just Imny and JE.....

Melbourne city was not very impressive, but then, perhaps it just goes to show that Australia is not all about skyscrapers and malls. We stayed in Prahran the first night. Then headed on to our farm stay at Lavender Farm in Healesville, Yarra Valley. 2 nights there. On our mission to the Great Ocean Road, we stayed at Torquay for 2 nights. And then the last night was back at Melbourne in Swanston Street.

The farm stay was magnificent. Reminded me of New Brunswick with the warm fireplace, friendly dogs, lemon trees and lavender everywhere. Breakfast was our loot from Coles, lunch and dinner at Healesville town. We went to GiantStepsInnocentBystander, which was a winery that carries Innocent Bystander and Giant Steps wine. Fine food and great cosy place.

We did made our way to Healesville Sanctuary so that the pesky kids can see koalas and kangaroos. Also to the Dandenongs that was most impressive.....but that was till we got to the Great Ocean Road...

Torquay was the next destination, tourist-y seaside haven, sis found a great bungalow to stay and i half-believed Andrew when he said that it looks like the place from those mags we see. But migosh, it was modern, fuss-free, patio, spacious 4-bedrooms....place to die for. It got my brother-in-laws to check out the classified, and found out most of those properties were only AUD300K. In Singapore, I dont think u can get a landed property for SGD1mil. Hey, and this place is near near near the beach! We live in a rat's world compared to the Aussies....

Anyways, the following day we headed off on our mission to see the 12 Apostles. Made stops at Lorne and Apollo Bay. And that was as far as we've got coz of pesky nephew, the winding road, and I guess not all of us wants to see more rocks formation. haha. Ohwell, next time maybe.

The last night at Melbourne was well spent. We met up with our cousins who have migrated there years ago. Yee, Bee, and Nee. I'm sure it made my mom very happy as it was her late eldest brother's enstranged family members. We went to Victoria Market (felt like we were at some chinatown fest, Chatuchak beats it flatfaced) together. The morning after, we met up with Shaun(cousin in NZ) and Tze Yin. Had a great great breakfast by the Yarra River....

My take on Melbourne..and the rest of Victoria: Canada-like with a great laidback feel and certainly worth two trips or more. And I'm glad it has none of the city-like experience that I'll rather give a miss.

Convert

Religion can be the boon or the bane of one's life. You choose.

It's only recently that the question of converting has been playing on my mind, as another friend spoke of a similar situation just as she was about to get married. Not that I have anything against Catholics. If anyone must know, I was brought up going to Sunday schools and Catechism classes up till I was 12. Even in university, I went to the Church once in a while. I also went to the temple. Thanks to my parents wisdom I had exposure to both religion, and coming of age, especially now that I'm already in my 30s, I know where my path is, religion wise. Why should anyone doubt my religion when I don't? Who would know what's better for me, if not I? And my choice was never lead or encouraged by anyone. I followed where my heart belonged.

Many people would tell you that in order for the family to achieve full happiness, it is best for the whole family to be of same religion. I ask you, show me the proof. Show me the proof and I will shut my gab forever. But no proof could be produced because this is subjective and every human differ in their behaviour and likes. I've seen many families ruined not by religion, but by lust and greed. How's that for a more common cause of destruction of a family?

I shared with my friend, a Hindu who's also being asked to convert. She is also asked to ensure that her kids would follow the Catholic path and go to church etc etc. She does not want to be a hyprocrite by saying yes to something that's in the future, and for her non-existent kids. I feel the same way. I would want to sample the wisdom of my parents who would provide an environment where my child would have the freedom of choice, and not baptised at birth or forced to a religion that he/she is still too young to understand. There must be a sense of ownership in a religion in order to embrace it. Or else, you are just accepting FATE and not faith.

Here I'm not saying any religion is bad. Buddhism has taught me not to condemn any religion but to respect others. Some of the things I've mentioned are perhaps the result of mis-interpretation of the Bible that has led people to instill the wrong teachings.

All I ask is that if I respect another's religion, I expect the same mutual respect for mine.

Leonardo Da Vinci

I heard about the exhibition from DAN which is starting Oct1st onwards... I was in Florence and the guide was raving about Leonardo Da Vinci. An inventor, painter, artist, engineer (as far as I know), and I just wiki-ed him and found out he's also a musician???? Really???? One of course could not dismiss the famous Mona Lisa and The Last Supper. I went to the Louvre to catch a glimpse of the Mona Lisa...and seriously could not get what the hype was all about...but.... I guess I'm not artistic enough to appreciate it.

I first heard of Leonardo Da Vinci, if i'm not mistaken in one of our history lessons....and then memory revisited with the Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Donatello. HAHA.

And so, there's gonna be an exhibition in Pusat Sains Negara....so Dan, give me the tickets ok!

Perseverance

I've had it easier than andrew......Everytime when I feel like life or work is tough, I look at Andrew, and he makes me think 'what the hell have you got to complain about?" haha, in a nice way i mean. I grew up with having to worry in the most part of my life, just of myself. I take care of myself, well quite burden-free and worry-free. Looking at andrew I always wonder how the hell he did it. Studies, work, family....unlike me, he has many commitments. And lots of errands to run for himself and his family. I only 'run' for myself.

In a way, i see andrew as a inspiration to go on. When life gets tough, I just need to look at him and think well his life is tougher and yet he takes it with a sleepy smile...(due to exhaustion, he's perpetually lacking of sleep all the time HAHA). His perseverance and patience is commendable. Something I probably don't have. Doing things for others tend to instill selflessness in him. Something probably I would need to learn as well.

And so opportunity does present itself in a strange way. I recently was asked by a friend to volunteer to take some kids out for makan makan. I didnt think I would go. Then i saw this video about kids in Uganda who were starving and suffering from malnutrition. Got me crying like hell. GOsh! Straight away I replied my friend to COUNT ME IN. It made me realize that yeah, I always knew that there are neglected orphans and poor children, but I never really did anything about it. I just know it, ignore it, and move on.

I was talking to that friend just minutes ago, and she's been taking those kids out a couple of times.... She herself lost her mother when she was in her teens and I guess she knew how it felt like having no one to talk to, to share stories with,....She told me once how envious she is of me that I can go home once a week and catchup with my mom. It was a yearning that I guess I could not understand, perhaps not yet.

Siapa Jaga?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend, a mother of 3 boys. In her mid 40s already, she was telling me that she'll probably work until she could no longer work anymore. The reason was that she did not want to burden her 3 sons. She said people may think that she should not have to worry about her livelihood because either one of the 3 sons will take care of her. But, to her, it should not be an obligation, and she does not want either of her 3 sons to feel burdened. She'll rather her sons be financially sound and able to build their own families.

Others may feel otherwise. "You are the son and you have to start paying 'maintenance fee' once you start working." "It's my right as the father/mother since I brought you to this world, and fed/bathe you since you were born."

It's quite different when you demand for something, rather than the child give to you without you asking for it.

Yes, as the child, we are all responsible to take care of our parents. But dont see it as a responsibility or an obligation. Dont you want to take care of your parents when they are old? Do you have the heart to shun them? If you see it as an honour, to be able to give back, to provide and to love, it's quite different, eh?

My friend today told me her grandmother has no where to go. Nobody wants to take care of her. 9 sons and 4 daughters. Sad isn't it.

What are We?

Someone said to me " you know, what are We (the Malaysians) if not for the British?" Is it just me, or is there something seriously wrong with this statement.

Are we supposed to be appreciative of the British colonization?

What are your thoughts? I want to know.

The Simpleton

Everyone claims they are simple (or plain...such a fine line!) people, but what defines being simple. True, not everyone is into the high-life, the constant partying or the drama- bananarama life.

1) Do you lead your life looking for drama? Making something out of nothing at all? Do you find yourself exaggerating every single thing that happens in your life?

2) Do you find a simple quiet day doing nothing unbearable?

3) Do you find yourself getting excited over a new gadget/phone/clothes? A wise man (who is also rich) once reminded us never ever to get attached to any material. Things wither or decay. Memories and love don't.

While some find it hard to be simple, others embrace simplicity. I know of people who find joy in a simple sandwich. A walk in the park. A picnic. Dinner with close friends. A packet of Milo. :)

Contented, not complacent.

Solitary

Why do people choose to lead a solitary life? Is it because people just give up on trying to make people understand them, or trying to live among those people that do not approve your way of life, or is it because people just tend to be individualistic who'd rather be alone then try to conform.....

I know a couple of people at work...who prefer to eat alone....Even I used to embrace that. Having my lunch alone. Just like them, it's not easy to find a compatible lunch partner, and at the end of it all, you REALLY just wanna get your food, and sometimes eating alone works just better for yourself. Of course, it might seem really odd to be eating alone in the canteen...but do you really mind? If your intention is just to get FOOD, should you even mind at all? Seriously, why do you care that people care?

How about shopping alone? Is it odd that sometimes I tell my bf to NOT to go shopping with me... I think many people shop alone. Trust me it should not be a couple's activity at all! Shopping for the house, yes. Shopping for clothes, NO. Who here has never shopped alone before????

Drinking alone. Ok, now this is kinda sad. hahaha. Drinking in a group is just way way more fun. Yes, once in a while I fix myself a little drink, put a dash of vodka in my orange juice, or sneak a drop of kahlua on my ice-cream, or a glass of wine in a cold night...... (omg, i do drink alone!), but seriously,it's way better to drink in a group. Who would I talkcockbullshit with when I'm high if I was all alone? However, drinking kakis must NOt be unruly.

Going to the public toilet alone...haha. Just thought I'll add this in coz I find it really odd So that women tend to ajak each other go to the public toilet together. But, I guess for safety reason so that we're on the watchout for each other (too much horror stories about girls kena rape in the toilet- fake CLEANING IN PROGRESS signboard!). This one is OK, something I think i'll make it a habit to 'ajak'...... Although when u really got to go, where got the time to think about ajak other people! hehe... So next time if i forget to ajak, pls ikut aje me.....

What do you do on your own???

Gen Y

or the Millenials...generally born in the 80s.. I am part of the Gen X. What I do gives me the opportunity to deal with Gen X and Gen Y people.... and here are my thoughts.

1) Gen Y tends to have higher expectations at work, dont matter that they are not nearly as qualified....they may even be more careful in their choice of career, even though they could not be fully-equipped to make such decision. As compared to Gen X, they are more with the "I'll take whatever I can get" attitude, perhaps because they've had a taste of the Asian crisis in '97, brings them a few levels down to earth!

2) While Gen Y are now smarter in a sense that they do pack up their repertoire with not only a degree, but masters/phds supplemented by professional certificates. Although bear in mind the standard of education has dropped drastically. Observe a bunch of Gen X speaking vivaciously in decent audible English....a bunch of Gen Y may speak with too many abbreviations. or not speak at all. I blame it on dependence to msn, fb, yahoo messenger, etc etc. I actually met someone who is anti-facebook, Gen-X-er, her reasoning being that if a friend is a friend at all, we should only just be a phonecall away.... however, I guess FB is somewhat a cheaper way to stay connected....hehe

3) Types of interest seems to fair differently for Gen X and Gen Y. Not to generalize but while in my generation we did not have the luxury of computers and www.... we indulge on outdoorsy stuff. For e.g, while girl guides/scouts were considered cool in the 90s....it's not considered lame by some Gen Y-ers! hhahahhaa.

What are your thoughts....

Narcissism

I'm getting tired...from deleting people from my facebook. Why you may ask...it's because people can't stop showing off in the facebook. Or announcing their whereabouts and what they are buying. First...do I really care? Second....what's the purpose of telling me anyhoo?

Talk about being self-absorbed. "Exhibit A" makes it a point to upload the facebook mobile and updates where she is, what's she eating, all throughout her europe tour.... So annoying because the news feed keeps 'feeding' me all this useless information!

"Exhibit B" actually makes her status as the countdown to her trip to london. OK, stating 21 days...then 14days, then 10 days, it's just tad tooo annoying.

"Exhibit C" likes to tell us about what her husband is and not doing with her. Like baking her something, or buying her something. Do we really want to know all this?

I think people ABUSE it. Some things are just not meant to be shared. If you can't be adult enough to differentiate what's to be shared and what's not, well, I gotta delete you.

Here's what I appreciate. People who flaunt their blog stuff. People who post their latest blog updates. At least it's INFORMATIVE, and saves me time from going into the url, coz I'm getting updates on the NEWS feed.

And updates when people need help on the MAFIA WARS. hahahahha, because I get points and money!

Another Phase...

I just got back from a short trip to Singapore. It was a weekend full of kids and babies! Delightful and annoying at the same time. ahhaha, maybe 70% delight....Attended SY's baby girl's full moon party. SY's my childhood friend. Man time really flies. Still have a vivid mental picture of SY in her blue pinafore and we're like playing tiang-tiang waiting for our ride.

And so, my friends have moved on to another phase. Ming's going to give birth soon in another 2 months. So nice to see her glowing face, even I am excited for her. I guess that's what friends do ya...we feel for them too. I remember when WY delivered and I was waiting anxiously at the maternity ward with her inlaws and parents. She wanted some support but really she was so brave. I seriously cannot imagine myself going through that.

And there are others who are moving on to getting a new place. The thing is, no one ever said that you need to get married or attached before you can buy your own place. I know a friend who thinks otherwise, only because she feels that men may be intimidated, and it might costs her a potential suitor. But, the guy's not worth a pursuit if he's that easily intimidated. But that's just my opinion. As what Tache says, sometimes spending (on essential stuff that is) can motivate the guy to work harder for money. What I mean is that spending can serve as a motivator. A catalyst.

I guess that's moving on to another phase. How people move from walkman to cd to mp3 player to ipod. Saying that it's good be thrifty is another thing, but to deny yourself the comfort of a/c (we so need it here!) is another thing. we should upgrade within our means.

Imn: consumption is the new religion. Are you one of those people who's constantly updating your status on facebook that you're buying this n that, or eating at some fancy restaurant today, or that you're hopping off to some country etc. It's annoying if you're just showing off because people who do appreciate good stuff doesnt need to flaunt it on fb to let others know. They just...appreciate it. People pay way too much emphasis on brands and their image, that they forget the really important things....like friendship and family. I dont think there's anything more important that that....do u? Time to move on from this phase.... it ain't cool, u fools!

White Tiger

Surprisingly refreshing. Could not do speed reading on this book, but every detail is refreshingly nice. A good read and gives you insight of India's socioeconomy and struggles. Would recommend this over the Twilight books....

MJ

Here's for Imn.....

My earliest memory of MJ was when I was about 6 i think. Me and imn, bored out of our minds in our place in jln yeoh chai lye, were always watching this videotape ( my sister's compilation) that had a few mtv videos in it. 1st one was Beat It and the 2nd one was Billie Jean. I remember thinking to myself what's with the blinking pathway in Billie Jean. Of course, it never occured to me how amazing his dance moves were until i was much older.

yes, we were duds who probably didnt really appreciate MJ at that time. But MJ never stopped to amaze us. He went on to further amaze us with other great hits.

I once had a part time job at a retail shop in 1 utama...boring shit, and it was a full time job. Days dragged on like it would never end. And then one day, i took my MJ cd and asked my asst manager, hey do you like MJ? Things went crazy after that as we bobbed our heads and snapped our fingers to The Way You Make Me Feel and Dont Stop Till You Get Enough. It was never the same again. Yes...he has that effect on us, in small little ways that no other has.

And now, 'you've got a place to go '. RIP.